Guidelines to Entertaining the Kiddos

A pile of beads works wonders – a one-year-old should be occupied for at least 6 minutes.

“We’ll be fine. Have fun!” The door shuts. They’re napping – your niece and nephew, grandson or granddaughter, kids you love and know and look forward to spending time with. Mom and dad deserve a break, a chance to catch up, grab a cup of coffee, a pint of beer.

It should be easy, pleasant. You yawn, skim a few pages of the newest J. Crew catalog when the one-year-old starts crying from her crib. She cuddles against you while waking up. Bliss. But the three-year-old who’s been asleep fifteen minutes instinctively knows – mom and dad are gone, my sister’s getting attention. The door creaks open and his little wind pants swish as he approaches.

Now you’re left alone with two mini humans. Their emotions range from wildly happy to inconsolably hysterical. They eat anything on the floor. They poop in their pants.

• Don’t Panic

Stay calm and try not to do anything with objects the toddlers have no business touching. Though there are toy cars and stuffed animals scattered at your feet while you try to apply makeup or cut up a cucumber, whatever you have in your hand is the most interesting and desirable object – whether a tube of mascara, a hairbrush, or a knife.

• Dancing Saves the Day

To diffuse ensuing tantrums over your refusal to hand over your expensive iPhone or razor sharp cutlery, turn up the radio. They might bob their little butts, swing their tiny hips and giggle, or gaze at you deadpan with just a hint of amusement in their eyes as you do your best shimmy, air trumpet, and authentic Latino accent while singing along to “Feliz Navidad.”

Whatever their reaction and despite how ridiculous you feel, chances are you’ll successfully bring them out of their emotional state.

• Bribes Work Best

“If you promise to sit quietly and not hit your sister for 10 minutes, I’ll give you whatever you want.” Don’t feel guilty for using the tried and true method of bribery – they’re not your children.

Once you bestow them with a cookie or two or three for their cooperation, perhaps say, ‘We don’t need to tell mom and dad how much sugar I gave you, okay.’

• All You Need is Love, a Can of Whip Cream, and Christmas Beads

Nourishment and entertainment in a can.

Those little tots think you are the coolest, funnest person ever. (At least until they start to miss mom and dad.) Savor those smiling faces and high-pitched giggles when you’re straining your back to toss them in the air. Take in their nonsensical questions and comments as you read Llama Llama Holiday Drama.

And in case of emergencies, cans of whip cream and a pile of holiday beads provide enough distraction to catch your breath before moving on to the next activity.

‘Are we being silly goofy balls?’ once asked my nephew Oliver, after we played airplane, ate red Jell-O and peppermint candy canes, dusted his cheeks with shimmer, read four books, and danced around the kitchen to Christmas classics (all with one-year-old Evelyn in tow.)

‘Yes, Oliver. Yes, we are.’ He giggled.

We all survived.