Letter to the Editor: About That Wall

Mr. President, I know you probably hear this a lot at your cabinet meetings, but you, Sir, are a true genius – perhaps the hugest, bigliest genius in the history of geniuses! Your recent idea, seemingly made up off-the-cuff at a campaign-style rally in Iowa, that the Great Wall we will build along the Mexican border should be solar powered so that we can sell discounted electricity to the very people we are shutting out, is mind-blowingly brilliant!

Do these ideas percolate under the flaxen waves of hair atop your head, Sir, like underground springs in Iowa, or do they form like vast coal deposits under the great pressure of your brain, there to be mined when needed for the fuel of making America great again? This is a question for future scientists to answer, I suppose. Anyway, Sir, kudos for once again thinking so far out of the box that your many critics are practically catatonic with disbelief.

Your idea, Sir, leads me to offer my own humble suggestions that might make your spit-balling a gob-stopper of biblical proportions: why not make the solar powered wall you propose to build a Trump-style hotel/resort right there on the border—the biggest, gaudiest, most splendiferous hotel in the history of the world, since it would be, like 1,800 miles long? Customers could check in in San Diego and check out in Brownsville! A monorail system that would make Disney eat their hearts could travel at high speed the length of the property. You could call it “Trump’s U. S. Customs and Covfefe Resort” or something like that.

What’s more, Sir, in a humanitarian gesture Mother Teresa would applaud, you could hire most of those illegals looking to cross the border as hotel staff – and at cut-rate wages, too! (If some prefer outdoor work, you could make them groundskeepers for – wait for it, Sir – the biggest, most spectacular golf course ever designed, covering four states!) Such a massive construction project, Mr. President, would more than fulfill every campaign promise you ever made, providing full employment on both sides of the border, since making this MOAB (Mother of All Buildings) is an undertaking that would leave the ancient Pharaohs gasping and, more importantly, cement your legacy, Sir, as a true all-American Ozymandias.

Mike Orlock

Sturgeon Bay, Wis.