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Candidate Koch

By Mike Orlock, Sturgeon Bay, Wis.,

He boasts that he’s a preacher’s son—

he begins each speech with that;

then extols his rural upbringing

in Iowa farmland, green and flat;

he claims to be as common as dirt,

and as honest as the corn that grows,

forgetting, perhaps, that like the corn

he’s now a walking, talking GMO.

His views owe less to Eagle scouting

than to opinion polling;

he’s been groomed for this by experts,

who foot the bills to keep him rolling;

he never says a thing today

he won’t modify tomorrow:

and if he gets tangled in the truth,

there’s a Reagan quip he can borrow.

He claims he loves the working class:

Its unions and pensions he hates.

Obamacare smacks of socialism,

as does any federal mandate.

He’ll save the schools by destroying them:

forget knowledge, go learn a trade;

folks should be free to work several jobs,

all week for minimum wage.

Women can’t be trusted with things,

like the workings of their own bodies;

and voters can’t be trusted to vote

without proving their identities.

The solution to rampant gun violence

is to make guns more readily available;

and cutting taxes creates more revenue—

that’s a fact that’s unassailable.

The government is much too large, he says,

but just the right size for him;

he’s lived most his life on the tax payer’s dime;

his private sector experience? Slim.

As governor he considers it his task

to bring the Welfare State to an end;

if there’s money to hand out, forget the poor—

those millions are meant for his friends.

As he tours the country in his campaign bus

or rolls up to rallies on his bike;

when he stands on stage in televised debates

and speaks doubletalk into the mic,

remember this man who claims that he knows

how to fix all the things that we broke

is a wholly owned subsidiary

of Charles and David Koch.

Mike Orlock
Sturgeon Bay, Wis.