Manners Matter: Bachelorette Party Antics

Dear Mary Pat,

My best friend is getting married in a month and we are having her bachelorette party down in Milwaukee next weekend. Some of her high school friends are planning it and everything is supposed to be a surprise for the bride. I don’t know her high school friends that well, but they emailed me the itinerary and told me that I couldn’t breathe a word to “Jane.” I’m in a quandary since I know Jane will not be comfortable with most of the antics that her friends have planned. Jane is a class act and she will be mortified by what her friends have in store for her. They think she’s too serious and that Jane needs to live a little. I can assure you, this will not be Jane’s idea of living a little. At best, she’ll leave her own party. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I didn’t make any promises to Jane’s friends, but I still don’t feel right about saying anything to Jane.



Terrified of a Tacky Taboo Party

Algoma, Wis.


Dear Terrified of a Tacky Taboo Party,

It sounds like Jane’s friends are putting their spin on this shindig instead of truly planning it for her. Who are they to say that Jane is too serious? I think you should pick up the phone and call the ringleader. Before you call her, think of a couple of positive things that they, hopefully, have planned and start with those. Jane will really love the “_____,” but then get to the purpose of your call. Tell her nicely that you have some apprehension about some of the things that they have lined up and that you are certain that Jane won’t appreciate being surprised in this way. They will hopefully trust you enough and care for Jane enough to make some last minute adjustments. And if they refuse, your loyalty is to your best friend. If you think she will be upset by some of this, you need to tell her. If her friends get mad, that’s their problem. If they are truly Jane’s friends they will get over it.

Good luck,

Mary Pat

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