Parent Corner: Preparing a Sibling for a New Arrival

Art by Andrew Kleidon

by KAREN COREKIN-DeLaMER, Education and Community Relations Coordinator, Northern Door Children’s Center

I have a three-year-old daughter, and I’m pregnant with a boy who is due  to arrive in four months. My daughter has taken some interest in how I look now that I’m showing, and her dad and I have been trying to find a way to explain to her that she will be getting a new brother. I think she understands that the baby is growing inside me, but I want her to be prepared for the changes that are coming. Her dad and I want this to be as happy an experience for her as it is for us. Do you have any suggestions for what we might do? 

— Mom Second Time Around

Dear Second Time Around,

Congratulations! This is such an exciting time for your family. 

And good for you for thinking ahead about how to get your daughter used to the idea of a new baby in her life. For children her age, it’s usually a mixture of feelings such as excitement and confusion. At 3, children are pretty concrete thinkers, so it’s hard for them to grasp the idea of a baby they can’t see yet.  

Here are a few ideas to help your daughter prepare for your newest family member:

• Together, look at pictures and videos of newborns. This will give her an idea of what “her” baby will look like. Talk to her about what to expect from a newborn. It will help if she knows that the baby will not be able to talk to her or play with her right away.

• Read some children’s books about welcoming a new baby into a family. Some that come highly recommended for children her age include You Were the First by Patricia MacLachlan and illustrator Stephanie Graegin; I’m a Big Sister by Joanna Cole (this author has also written I’m a Big Brother); What Sisters Do Best by Laura Numeroff and illustrator Lynn Munsinger (and there’s also What Brothers Do Best); Peter’s Chair by Ezra Jack Keats; and Lola Reads to Leo by Anna McQuinn and illustrator Rosalind Beardshaw. These books offer a chance to talk about the feelings that may begin to come up when a new sibling arrives. 

• Acknowledge any feelings your daughter expresses, and expect that they will probably change as your pregnancy progresses. This is very typical for a child her age, and they may swing between happy and excited to fearful or angry. Let her know that you hear and support all of her feelings.

• Be honest about the less-positive features of a new sibling. She will need to know that her new brother will probably cry a lot and will need a great deal of your attention. You can talk to her about how she can be helpful with the baby, such as helping to burp him after he eats, or handing you a clean diaper when he gets changed. 

• Create a special time that you or her dad spends alone with her every day doing something she enjoys, and make it a ritual that you continue after the baby arrives. Try to maintain this time with her, no matter what else is happening. 

• Allow your daughter to be involved in the preparations for the baby, such as picking out some special toys and assisting you in getting her brother’s room ready.

• Prepare her for when you are in the hospital. Be sure she knows exactly where she will be staying and with whom, and try to ensure that the person who’s caring for her makes this an enjoyable experience.

• The most important things to keep reminding your daughter are that you will all love the new baby, and that nothing will ever change how much you and her dad will always love her. The more reassuring you can be, the better.

This is a big topic, so I will dedicate the next column to things to do after the new baby arrives.

Karen Corekin-DeLaMer holds degrees in elementary, special and early-childhood education. She has been a teacher, administrator and parent educator since 1984 and is the education and community-relations coordinator for Northern Door Children’s Center in Sister Bay. Email your questions to her at [email protected].