that so many people are opposed to same-sexed marriage?

“Why Is It…?” was designed by Dr. Steiner to address readers’ questions about human behavior from a social psychological perspective in order to inform and stimulate dialogue about the ways in which our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are influenced by the presence of other people. Dr. Steiner holds a Ph.D. in Applied Social Psychology. In addition to working as a university professor over the last 15 years, she conducts individual and group consultations in matters of social relationships and behavior. Readers are invited to submit their questions anonymously in one paragraph or less to Dr. Steiner at [email protected].

Q: Why is it that so many people are opposed to same-sexed marriage?

A: Your question targets one of the most controversial topics in our society, and I’ll attempt to address the primary influences involved. However, interested readers should realize that the scope of this column does not permit the space required for a comprehensive treatment of this issue and the conflicts involved.

From a social-psychological perspective, people form their attitudes based on social learning (religious teachings, family values, corporate media, politics and education). Because of the fundamental religious beliefs that have socialized American society for generations, many believe that homosexuality is morally wrong and sinful. As one of my friends put it, “God created Adam and Eve – not Adam and Steve.” According to this reasoning, anyone who seeks a union with a same-sexed individual is going against God’s will and intent – thereby forming the social, moral and religious justifications against same-sexed marriages.

Once formed, attitudes tend to develop into rigid, consistent patterns of thought that regulate decisions and social conduct. One of the strongest tendencies in human behavior is the need for “self-consistency,” meaning that we are more comfortable thinking in line with our preconceptions of reality rather than entertaining notions that are foreign or go against our beliefs. Therefore, anyone who has adopted beliefs similar to my friend will be naturally resistant to marriage involving same-sexed couples. We also suffer from cognitive dissonance that occurs when we’re faced with information or experiences that contradict our belief systems. Opposing views introduce a sense of discomfort and instability into our psychology due to their inconsistency with what be believe to be “true” about the world.

While young children tend to be curious about the unknown, adults tend to fear the unfamiliar, and fear – as a primal, lower-order brain function – triggers a flight or fight response. Such is the case with notions of same-sexed marriage. If we were raised with the notion that homosexuality is sinful and perverse, we will likely avoid or attack any individual, system or policy that lends validity to homosexual relationships and unions.

One of the most divisive arguments related to homosexuality involves the nature vs. nurture issue. While overwhelming scientific evidence has determined that homosexuals are born and not made, many believe homosexuality to be a perverse “life-style” choice – rather than a natural, biological determinant. This erroneous attitude fuels the fire of prejudice, discrimination and hetero-centrism. Even those that accept that homosexuality is biologically determined may still assert that homosexuals are born “deformed.”

Race, like sexual orientation, is also a biological determinant. And prior to the Supreme Court ruling of Loving vs. Virginia in 1967, it was illegal for inter-racial couples to marry, based on many of the same arguments posed today in relation to same-sexed marriage. However, the Supreme Court ruled that it was a violation of Due Process and Equal Protection to refuse inter-racial couples the same rights afforded same-raced couples. In fact, societies that have perpetrated some of the greatest human injustices in history also strictly revered same-race marriage laws (i.e., Nazi Germany and South African Apartheid).

In order to bridge the divide of homosexual marriage, critical thinking is essential. From a religious standpoint, we are all God’s creations – without exception. The embodiment and expression of unconditional love is God’s lesson to us all. Marriage is a bond born out of the love between individuals – regardless of race, age, nationality and sexual orientation. Do we really want the laws of our society to mimic the mindset of Nazi Germany or Apartheid in imposing a system of social privilege and supremacy of some and the discrimination and exclusion of others on the basis of biological differences?

While opposing attitudes toward same-sexed marriage create divides between people, most will agree that it is vitally necessary to bring peace to our world through acts and attitudes of unconditional positive regard, love and mutual respect. While it may be a hard pill to swallow for some, we must realize that the world is changing and we, as a humanity, are evolving toward a more peaceful and unified existence. Love is the very manifestation of God within us and is not ours to control, regulate or define according to the narrow terms of our limited, and perhaps misguided, perceptions. If we are dedicated to peace, we should celebrate all gestures of love – in all its glory – and forms.