The Ninth Tool of Civility: Take Responsibility

by ORLAINE I. GABERT          

The final tool of civility is Take Responsibility.

We’ve all purchased a variety of tools over time. Some we’ve used a few times, some for a while, others every day. This last tool asks us to maintain an attitude of civility by using the other eight tools in every thought, action and speech, during every moment in our day. We need to own and embrace civility as our way of living. 

Taking responsibility means focusing on our thinking as we live our lives. The short tool names help us to focus on them: Pay Attention, Listen, Be Inclusive, Don’t Gossip, Be Agreeable, Seek Common Ground, Apologize, Give Constructive Criticism. We’ve shared the full explanations of each in these columns, and now the words can serve as reminders. When we enter into a conversation, it’s important to pause and run through the list.

I know this isn’t easy. I recently recognized how narrow my thinking can be and want to share my insight. Based on our experiences, we have all developed ways to work through new information. Although I’m an avid reader and learner, I realized that I did not always consider all the ramifications of what was happening or being said.

My best example is what will be happening after the pandemic. All I thought of was returning to what had been normal before, but the pandemic had many other consequences that have altered our normal. Businesses closed for good; there were fewer goods available; and there were feelings of loss, anger, depression and changed attitudes. Now there are worker shortages and inflation. It was only too late that I wondered whether others were like me and thought only of returning to “normal” – including our nation’s leaders.

Taking responsibility means that we need to expand our thinking patterns and look more widely at everything. Starting there, we’ll always be using the nine tools of civility.