Why Is It…?

“Why Is It…?” was designed by Dr. Steiner to address readers’ questions about human behavior from a social psychological perspective in order to inform and stimulate dialogue about the ways in which our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are influenced by the presence of other people. Dr. Steiner holds a Ph.D. in Applied Social Psychology. In addition to working as a university professor over the last 15 years, she conducts individual and group consultations in matters of social relationships and behavior. Readers are invited to submit their questions anonymously in one paragraph or less to Dr. Steiner at [email protected].

Q: Why is it that some men are so homophobic?

I work with a guy who is always making derogatory comments about gay men. He considers himself to be a real “macho man” and is always challenging our male co-workers to arm wrestling competitions, and the like. If they refuse, he calls them sissies and assumes they are gay, even when they’re straight. I hear about this type of “gay bashing” all the time and wonder why some men are so anti-homosexual.

A: Homophobia among males is quite prevalent. It has even been argued that one of the reasons that the NFL promotes scantily-clad cheerleaders is to offset the homophobic fear that is generated by the tight-panted uniforms, butt-smacking and victory embraces of the players. The origins of homophobia can be attributed to several factors including (but not limited to) gender socialization, religious fundamentalism and the standards of societal norms and expectations. And while homosexuals can be male or female, most instances of homophobic reactions are observed in males.

The first categorical distinction that we draw as humans is the difference in biological sex. In fact, by 18 – 24 months of age, most of us have learned to classify ourselves, and others, as either male or female. But simply recognizing anatomical differences is only the beginning. Once these distinctions are made, we then assign “meaning” to these differences – a type of judgment or evaluation of what it means to be male or female.

In American culture (as well as many others around the world) we are taught that characteristics associated with males include strength, independence, fearlessness and power. In contrast, we learn that females are considered weak, dependent, helpless, and therefore, inferior to males. These positive “male” and negative “female” associations form the basis of how we learn to interpret the value of masculinity and femininity when judging others.

Those raised in androgynous (gender-neutral) households learn that men and women possess both masculine and feminine traits (dad and mom can cook and mow the lawn), leading to a more holistic view of what it means to be male or female. As a result, children raised in this fashion tend to become more well-rounded individuals and less homophobic as adults. However, those reared in traditionally-gendered families learn that each sex must be confined to gender-specific behaviors (mom does all the cooking while dad always mows the lawn). These individuals grow up with very rigid definitions and expectations of male and female behavior. For example, at the first signs of stress, it is expected that females will cry, while males should just “suck it up” and “be strong” when facing difficult situations.

When observing differences in parental reactions to their sons and daughters, these distinctions become apparent. When a little girl cries because she fell and scraped her knee, she is quickly scooped up, coddled and comforted (because she needs protection due to her “weak and fragile” nature). However, when a little boy cries due to an injury, the reaction may be very different – especially in the case of some fathers. Male children are often scorned and criticized for crying (as they are expected to be strong and fearless) and quickly learn to repress and reject the natural human response of tears.

These social lessons extend to playground politics, where child peers engage in the cruel teasing and mocking of males who cry. Frequently, “feminine” labels are used as painful insults (verbal weapons) to demean boys who are fearful or hurt. Comments such as “what are you, a little girl?” and “sissy” are not uncommon. For many males, this highly negative reaction by parents and peers likens notions of femininity to undesirable “dirty words.” In turn, some males may become intensely avoidant of anything “feminine” – resulting in homophobic tendencies. In fact, homophobic males have been found to devalue women to greater degrees than their non-homophobic counterparts – as an extension of feminine rejection

The “crying” scenario is merely one vehicle of many that society uses to regulate and limit the social acceptability of gendered behavior. The expectation that one must repress emotional tears is no more reasonable than to expect that one should repress an urge to sneeze or urinate!

Whether one considers homosexuality to be a life-style choice or biological determinant, the power of social influence must not be underestimated. Indeed, if we are to maximize our potential as multi-dimensional beings, we must not only accept, but embrace, the masculine and feminine tendencies innate to human nature.