DC Published Authors Collective: Erika Nelson

Erika Nelson. Submitted.

Raised in Sister Bay, Erika Nelson is a local author and licensed mental health counselor who recently published Brave Love 365: Daily Inspiration, Validation, and Support for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse and Toxic Relationships. Nelson is currently working on a therapeutic fiction novel, Brave Love: Alexia’s Journey. Set partially in Door County, it chronicles a womAn’s journey from narcissistic abuse to growth, love, healing and a beautiful life. Brave Love 365 is available for purchase locally at Novel Bay Booksellers, OtherWorlds Books & More, The Pearl of Door County and online at Amazon.com.

Q&A

In what way does your connection with Door County influence your writing?

Erika Nelson: Since I was a small child, the waters of Green Bay and Lake Michigan have felt like home to me. Whether swimming in them, sailing on them, or walking alongside them, they have always offered me the solace I needed to find my way through the challenges of life. As I wrote the book Brave Love 365, I had to delve deep into the pain that lived within me – both from the relationship that spurred the book and the pain from my past. I spent much time absorbing the soothing views and healing energies the waters of Door County hold. 

What is your writing process?

EN: Writing Brave Love 365 was an interesting process. I never experienced writer’s block because something inside pushed me forward every day. Some of the subject matter landed easily on the page, while with other topics, I had to work through strong emotions that surfaced and practice self-care in the process. It was a balancing act. This book was likely the most difficult book I will ever write, but so worth every moment of it as it has proven to be an effective healing tool for many people. 

In your opinion, what are the most important elements of good writing?

EN: To me, a thoroughly edited manuscript is one of the most important elements of good writing. Also, I think that good writing stirs something within us, transforming us to some degree.

Any advice about the publishing process?

EN: I chose to self-publish my book. There has been a huge learning curve in doing so. I suggest deciding ahead of time what tasks you want to take on yourself, and then hiring a professional for the help and support needed with the rest. I was able to do a lot myself, but I didn’t want to take the time to learn how to master formatting my manuscript and creating print-ready files for publishing. That isn’t my strong area, so I hired a designer who made the process incredibly smooth. 

What are you currently reading?

EN: Jonathan Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach; Heart Bones, by Colleen Hoover; and Life Loves You, by Louise Hay.

AN EXCERPT

Written in a daily format, Brave Love 365 provides bite-sized bits of information to consider and transformative thoughts to ponder.

June 20 – Gaslighting: How It Feels

To control and disempower us, the narcissist used gaslighting to feed us a false version of reality, making us question our thoughts, feelings, recollections, judgments, and even our sanity.

We were in a position of constantly having to defend ourselves. As our insecurity grew, we ensured that we had facts to back up everything we said to the narcissist. In moments of potential confrontation with them, when we lacked the facts we needed to justify our position, we shut down, becoming voiceless and unable to own and express our inner truth.

The narcissist’s continual gaslighting left us feeling tormented. Even though we knew there was something wrong, we couldn’t put words to what was happening to us, causing agonizing confusion within us. Because gaslighting doesn’t “look like” abuse, we convinced ourselves it was our imagination. We were unsuccessful in our efforts to find relief, eventually becoming numb to our thoughts and feelings as this mind-bending abuse drained us of our vital energy.

We believed no one could possibly understand what we were going through, leaving us hesitant to reach out for the help and support we so desperately needed.

Today, I will honor my intellect, perceptions, and inner knowing.

I will speak my truth without wavering, trusting all that comes from within me.

June 23 – Communicating Boundaries

Learning to set boundaries is similar to speaking a new language. Finding the right words and the confidence with which to use them can be challenging. It can be especially tricky when we enter the dating world again. It is empowering to walk into new situations already knowing what our boundaries are and some possible ways to articulate them.

The following phrases are some examples of ways we can communicate our boundaries:

Thanks, but I’ll pass.

That doesn’t work for me.

That’s unacceptable to me. I’m not comfortable with that.

I don’t allow myself to be treated that way.

I hear and respect what you’re saying, and…

I will do…, and the rest of it doesn’t work for me.

I respect your point of view, and mine is different.

I’ll need time to consider that before I answer you.

No. (It’s a complete sentence. No explanation required.)

I’m looking for different things than you are, but I wish you the best.

That’s more personal information than I’m comfortable hearing right now.

I didn’t feel the connection I’m looking for, but I appreciate the fun we had.

I’m not interested in an ongoing relationship with you, but thank you for this experience.

Being patient and compassionate with ourselves is important as we learn this valuable new skill.

Today, I will practice communicating boundaries, either to myself or with someone else, to see which words and phrases fit who I am.

The Door County Published Authors Collective is a group that brings together and champions local writers.