Letter to the Editor: Letter to President Trump

Mr. President,

As I have stated previously, I am a huge supporter. Yuugge! One of the bigliest in my neighborhood. Every morning I wake up knowing we are one step closer to being “great again” because of your brilliant leadership and incredible showmanship. Your administration is, like, the best reality TV show ever, stocked with characters we can root for and cheer against. I tune in daily to find out who might be voted out of the West Wing next.

This drama, Sir, is fully attributable to your keen instincts as producer and host of the Presidency. I especially enjoy this newest subplot involving bombing countries while you eat cake. It’s very French, very continental and therefore sophisticated, so of course it reeks of class. I think it should become a staple of the Mar-a-Lago menu – maybe play it up as a variation of the Mardi Gras “king cake,” each slice could have a tiny flag baked in that would identify the country chosen to be bombed that day. Maybe tie it together with a drink special? A slice of “Mother of All Cakes” and a “Syrian Stinger” for one special price! Patrons (and true patriots) will eat it up and ask for seconds!

I also want to applaud you, Sir, for the ethics-cleansing program you have initiated in Washington. I know some in the Fake Media have been critical of your “don’t ask, don’t reveal & don’t bother to investigate” White House policy of hiring lobbyists to direct the same government regulatory agencies they once tried to influence for their clients. Some people may frown on the apparent and, in some cases, actual conflicts of interest that ensue when somebody like Chad Wolf is appointed Chief of Staff of the TSA while that very agency decides on the viability of an expensive equipment screening device that he lobbied for, worth hundreds of millions of dollars in government contracts. Not me!

These critics are shortsighted, even if they claim to be nonpartisan. I for one, Mr. President, think you could go even further. Why not sell, at public auction, entire regulatory agencies to private sector companies? What might Koch Industries pay to own and operate the EPA? Think of the bidding war that might break out between Goldman Sachs and its rivals on Wall Street to legitimately own the SEC! The proceeds from these sales could go towards paying down the national debt or funding tax cuts for people like you and your friends, who are giving so much to the rest of us.

It’s just a thought, Mr. President, and a reminder that out here in the hinterlands of Wisconsin, we true supporters are always thinking.

Mike Orlock

Sturgeon Bay, Wis.

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