Why Is It…?

“Why Is It…?” was designed by Dr. Steiner to address readers’ questions about human behavior from a social psychological perspective in order to inform and stimulate dialogue about the ways in which our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are influenced by the presence of other people. Dr. Steiner holds a Ph.D. in Applied Social Psychology. In addition to working as a university professor over the last 15 years, she conducts individual and group consultations in matters of social relationships and behavior. Readers are invited to submit their questions anonymously in one paragraph or less to Dr. Steiner at [email protected].

Q: Why is it…that some people are more selfish than others?

I have two friends. Recently they were both asked to help out their neighbors. My first friend is a single parent with a full-time job and very little time on her hands. But when asked to help out her neighbor, she immediately dropped what she was doing to lend a hand. My other friend refused her neighbor’s request for help because she said, “There was nothing in it for her.” Why is it that one person can be so giving, while another will only help others to help themselves?

A: When it comes to the willingness to help others, humans may be influenced by several variables. Individual character, moral/religious upbringing and public scrutiny have all been identified as factors leading to our decision to offer assistance. Even our gender and perception of others as “deserving” may make or break our willingness to help. However, the specific nature of your question may be best addressed by exploring the principles of altruism versus egoism.

When it comes to the motivation to help others, humans may fall into one of two categories. We are either guided by altruistic (other-centered) or egoistic (self-centered) motives. Altruistic motives inspire the need to help others out of the “pure goodness of one’s heart,” and frequently involve self-sacrifice, giving little or no weight to the personal costs involved. For example, a person who runs into a burning building to save another is placing him/herself at great personal risk to help another human being. Our concept of the Good Samaritan falls into this category, and in this way, we tend to place the needs of others over and above our own personal well being.

On the other hand, some of us may be motivated to help others out of purely egoistic, or selfish, reasons. When asked for help, these people tend to conduct a casual “cost/benefit” analysis – an accounting of what they stand to lose versus gain by offering assistance. For those motivated by this approach, help will only be offered if the personal benefits outweigh the costs. Indeed, if we were to always stop and consider our personal risks, it is doubtful that any of us would opt to run into a burning building to save someone else or interfere with a crime in progress.

Some have argued that all helping behavior is, indeed, egoistic – even when the motives appear altruistic on the surface. For example, individuals raised in religious households may always be willing to help based on the concept of “love thy neighbor,” when in fact, they are simply motivated by the self-centered desire to remain in “God’s good graces” to ensure an eternal life in heaven come Judgment Day. Similarly, an individual on their way to a dinner engagement, who gives a five dollar bill to a homeless person outside of the restaurant, may be more motivated by ensuring their own “guilt free” dining experience than a heart-felt act of compassion toward a less fortunate other. In fact, some theorists have argued that egoistic motivations may be derived out of our most basic instincts for survival.

In regard to your question, it may be that your single-parent friend simply has a more altruistic nature. On the other hand, it may be that she has received favors from her neighbor in the past (such as free child-care, for example) and is quick to reciprocate to ensure that her own personal rewards continue. As the ongoing debate continues, so will our curiosity about why some humans are so giving while others remain considerably more selfish in their desire and willingness to help.